Umm I'm too high to move.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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