I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
