after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
