I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
