I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
