If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
soo... how was my night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
