We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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