I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
