there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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