I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
