everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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