I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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