so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
