i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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