hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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