My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Are we still banned from the library?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
