you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
