I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You work out of a Hotel?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
