I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
