I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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