the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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