Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
