I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
