the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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