Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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