I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
