Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just had sex bonerless
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
