Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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