Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
