Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize