It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
