lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
