six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
