I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
