the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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