the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.