More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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