Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now