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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.