My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks