this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
