Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
