i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
