Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
