the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
