I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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