I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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