On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
