I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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