and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
