We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Randomize
