Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
