it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
