My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
