So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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