You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
