Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
