my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
