Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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