If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
