the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
high people should be assigned attendants
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
