Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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