I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
