Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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