ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
