Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
