i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
