Where is the hickey?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
