I feel great
I just peed on a car
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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