he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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