I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
