I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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