took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
