i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
