smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we're making bets on your personal life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
