My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize