dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
