he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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