Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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